Do You Do Doo Like I Do Doo???

There are certain things that a zookeeper can count on the primates learning. Bits and pieces of retained knowledge that lets us zookeepers know that all our attempts at domestication are not futile. For instance, the tag always goes in the back, or we share toys but not toothbrushes, and don’t eat the yellow snow!

Sometimes there are triumphs that are hard earned at the Hawthorne Street Watering Hole….

….Primate #3 was not the easiest one to teach proper potty hygiene to. This fact came to a surprise to me (the zookeeper), due to the fact that the other primates were fairly easy to teach these simple, but crucial habits to. After great feats and many obstacles, even Primate #1 learned how to put the toilet seat down….the zookeeper sees this particular battle as a testimony to her superior management skills!

So when Jules (Primate #3) seemed to protest any and all conformities to what is considered a social norm as far as bathroom habits; the zookeeper resorted to creative and unorthodox methods.

  Primate #3 had unusual and some might even say inappropriate ways of achieving the poo-poo. For example, in the house of the Hawthorne Street Watering Hole, it was often said that Primate #3 poohed like a man gripping the table during a prostate exam.  Squeezing her cheeks so tight that we expected diamonds to erupt from her nether region! No matter our many fruitless attempts, Primate #3 simply did not understand that to achieve the almighty poo, one must push out not pull in.

The zookeeper and Primate #1 spent many hours mauling over this dilemma. Primate #3 was a bit small to use the conventional potty (this method was attempted unsuccessfully, but that is another story), however refused to use the potty chair thanks to Primate #2 telling her that all the habitants of the Hawthorne Street Watering Hole used the potty chair.…

…Somehow the thought of sharing her potty chair with the canine and feline was more terrifying then poo mashed to her dupa.  

The zookeeper is not hardcore when it comes to toddler milestones, the primates will learn these important daily essentials in due time. However, Primate #3 seemed to understand that she was doing something not quite right, as she began to shy away from zoo visitors and downright refused to poo when outside of the Hawthorne Street Watering Hole.

 I (the zookeeper) resorted to shameful methods in order to fix this problem!

After much intense work and a bit of therapy (for the zookeeper, not Primate #3), I learned that I had to do what I never am able to do easily, relinquish control of the situation and allow Primate #3 to figure it out on her own.

Many of you zookeepers may be wondering ultimately what happened to make her finally release her inner demons???....

….WIPES!!! Oh yes my fellows zookeepers, apparently Primate #3 was cognoscent enough to know that toilet paper was not the best method of removing poo from your dupa, but not so much that she didn’t mind going in her diaper as long as someone was using a wipe to clean up the doody!

Sooooo…..you can bet a bushel’o bambinos that the Hawthorne Street Watering Hole never runs out of wipes!  

When running a zoo, I think I sometimes fail to remember during all the chaos that I am in fact dealing with a species of superior intelligence and they can often workout their own corks….It would’ve been nice to have had this foresight before I let Primate #3 poo in the bathtub!